


Taste Test

by ladymidath



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Alternate Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-09-03
Updated: 2004-09-03
Packaged: 2019-02-05 15:35:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12797406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladymidath/pseuds/ladymidath
Summary: Alex and Mulder try some Aussie cuisine with a difference





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Haven, the archivist: This story was originally archived at [Fandom Haven Story Archive (FHSA)](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Fandom_Haven_Story_Archive), was scheduled to shut down at the end of 2016. To preserve the archive, I began working with the OTW to transfer the stories to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. If you are this creator and the work hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Fandom Haven Story Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/fhsa/profile).

Notes: This snippet is for my homework assignment for the list. This fic is unbeta-ed, but I did use my spell checker.

 

Thanks: Finn for reminding me about the Tim Tams

 

Because I have never cooked kangaroo or Emu, I have not included any instructions. The damper is just a mixture of flour and water with a pinch of salt to taste, then it is baked in an oven much like scones or cakes .

 

A pavlova is a meringue base topped with whipped cream and fresh fruit, usually strawberries, kiwi fruit,peaches etc.

 

Meat pies are also considered an Aussie staple and are cooked like all other types of pies *duh*

 

As for Tim Tams, they are a very popular biscuit here in Australia, and of course Vegemite needs no introduction. *grin*

 

%%%%%%%%

 

"I'm not eating it and that's final." Alex stated flatly as he stared down at the strange assortment of food sitting on the table in front of him.

 

"Oh come on Alex, just try it." Mulder urged his young lover. "Look, Walter wants us to try new things, let's do it to keep him happy, okay?"

 

Alex shook his head, a stubborn set to his mouth told Mulder that there was no way he was going to be able to convince Alex to try the food that Walter had so carefully prepared.

 

Not that Mulder could blame him of course, the food did look pretty gross to say the least.

 

The meat pies did not look so bad, but the kangaroo steaks and emu fillets looked awful. And as for that damper, Jesus it looked like a giant scone gone wrong.

 

But it was the black stuff that was smeared on pieces of bread and toast that really made Mulder want to heave. Vegemite, that's what Walter called it. Well whatever it was, it looked like crap, and probably tasted like crap into the bargain.

 

"Come on guys, dig in." Walter called cheerfully from the kitchen. "I want to see clean plates or you won't get any pavlova for dessert."

 

"Why do we have to eat this Fox?" Alex hissed, leaning over the table. "Why can't we have normal food like steak and potatoes and apple pie and..."

 

"Borscht, and goulash." Mulder finished off with a grin.

 

"It just so happens I like borscht and goulash." Alex replied icily. "And I don't like this." He pointed at the array of food in front of him. "Alex, Walter has gone to so much trouble." Mulder said. "You know ever since he retired from the FBI he has been bored. That's why he took that International Cuisine course to keep himself busy."

 

"I know that." Alex replied crossly. "I was the one that encouraged him to take the course, remember? It was all right when they covered Asian cooking and then Cajun cooking and then when they started on East European cooking that was okay too. German and French, fine. English, great, but this? Uh huh, this is going to far."

 

"How's it going guys?" Walter chose that moment to walk into the dining room of the small neat house that the three of them shared. He stopped when he saw the untouched food still sitting on the table.

 

"What's wrong?" He asked, sounding hurt. "Don't you like it?"

 

"Sure, sure we do Walter." Mulder said quickly, shooting a glare at Alex. "We were just waiting for you so we could all start eating together."

 

The worried look left Walter's face. "Great, well I'm here now so, dig in." With that, he took his seat and began to heap the various foods onto his plate. Both Mulder and Alex watched him, then tentatively they began to help themselves to the food themselves.

 

"Try the kangaroo steaks, they are really tender, oh and the emu isn't too bad either." Walter said as he cut into the meat on his plate. I sauteed them both in a white wine sauce. Hey did you know that the kangaroo and emu are both on the Australian coat of arms?"

 

"Fascinating." Alex muttered bad temperedly. Carefully he placed a tiny morsel of kangaroo steak in his mouth and started chewing. Suddenly his face cleared.

 

"Hey, this isn't too bad." He said. Mulder nodded in agreement, the meat was actually quite tender.

 

Next they both tried the meat pies that Walter assured them was an Aussie staple. They tasted quite good as well. The meat inside the pastry was rich, the gravy nice and thick and not too runny.

 

Neither of them liked the damper though, they both agreed that it was too dry and floury so the three of them set it aside.

 

Next was the Vegemite sandwiches. They sat there next to the Vegemite toast looking black and oily and just plain awful.

 

"Well, who's going to be first to try it?" Walter asked cheerfully as he lifted the plate of sandwiches up to pass around the table. Both Alex and Mulder froze, neither one daring to look at each other.

 

"Oh come on, don't be scared." Walter said impatiently. "Kids in Australia eat this stuff all the time. Just try a piece."

 

"No way." Alex said firmly. "There is no way I am putting that...stuff into my mouth. God Walter, it looks like...like..."

 

"An oil spill." Mulder finished.

 

"It's actually quite good for you." Walter told both his lovers. "It's a rich source of vitamin B. Now I want you both to at least try it. Just one piece...come on."

 

"Oh Walter do we have to?" Alex whined. "Come on, we tried everything else."

 

"Yeah Walter, show some mercy huh." Mulder chimed in. He had been happy to try everything else but asking them to eat Vegemite was just asking way too much.

 

"Just try a little, then if you don't like it, I'll throw it away and we can go straight to the pavlova, okay?"

 

Alex and Mulder exchanged looks, then they both sighed. The things they did to keep the man they loved happy.

 

Reluctantly, they both reached over and took a piece of bread smeared with the foul smelling stuff and closing their eyes, they both took a bite.

 

"YUCK!" Alex and Mulder threw their pieces of Vegemite bread down onto their plates at the same time, both their faces screwed up with disgust.

 

"Oh Walter, that was horrible." Alex spluttered.

 

"Water...I need water." With that, Mulder dashed to the kitchen to rinse the taste out of his mouth. Alex in hot pursuit behind him.

 

Both of them swallowed glass after glass of water, trying to get rid of the taste. Neither of them had drunk this much since Walter had made that Indian curry and had put too many peppers in it.

 

Finally after several glasses of water later, Mulder and Alex emerged from the kitchen, their eyes still watering from the after effects of the Vegemite.

 

Walter was still sitting at the table, frowning down at the plate of sandwiches in front of him.

 

"Hmmm, I must have put too much on the bread." He mused thoughtfully. "Sorry about that."

 

"Can we just get to the pavlova now please Walter?"

Alex pleaded.

 

"Sure, you both sit right there and I'll go get it." With that, Walter got to his feet and headed towards the kitchen.

 

 

*********

Pavolva eaten to the great approval of Alex and Mulder, the three of them carried their coffee mugs into the living room.

 

They settled themselves down onto the large comfortable couch, relaxing after the large meal that Walter had prepared.

 

"Hey, what are those?" Alex asked, spotting something sitting on the coffee table.

 

"They are called Tim Tams, try one." Walter said with a grin.

 

He watched grinning as his two lover tried the chocolate biscuits. He had gotten them from a large deli that imported them as well as other Australian food, like the jar of Vegemite that was sitting in the kitchen cupboard.

 

"Mmmm, chocolatey." Mulder mumbled around a mouthful of the biscuit.

 

"You sound like Homer Simpson." Alex said with a laugh, spraying crumbs over his T-shirt as he spoke.

 

"Mmmm, yummy." Mulder replied, he was now residing in chocolate heaven.

 

"Okay so I take it that the Tim Tams are a success gentlemen?" Walter asked.

 

Two dark heads vigorously nodded. They most definitely were a success.

 

"Great." Walter said happily. "Because tomorrow night I am going to try some really unusual food, chocolate covered ants followed by fried grasshoppers. Oh and stuffed cockroaches and..."

 

He stopped, wondering why both his young lovers had made a dash towards the front door and out of the house. Then he looked down at the plate of Tim Tams and grinned. What the hell, all the more for him. He picked up the plate of biscuits and settled back to watch the news on TV. Hmmm, they were right, these biscuits were delicious.

 

The End


	2. Part 2

This snippet is for Elaine because I was mean and teased her and I promise I won't do it again. This week anyway *snicker snerk*

 

*Sorry, it's unbeta-ed but I did use my spellchecker.

 

*Bubble and Squeak is a very old Australian dish that my mother used to cook all the time. You take whatever leftovers you have, meat, vegetables, eggs, whatever and fry it all together. We used to have it for breakfast. I thinkit's like Hash browns but I am not sure.

 

 

%%%%%%%%

 

Alex and Fox both walked down the supermarket aisle. They both hated grocery shopping but it was their turn and they could not get out of it. Normally Walter was the one that did the shopping, but the various courses he was doing now kept

him busy.

 

He had finished the International Cuisine course, much to the relief of his two lovers, but he had started a creative writing course now and he spent most evening attending various reading groups and lectures.

 

Both Alex and Fox were pleased that Walter had found something fill in the time since he had retired from the Bureau, but they had to admit they were starting to feel a little left out. It seemed that lately all of Walter's time was taken up with this writing course.

 

Fox looked down at the shopping list that he was holding in his hand. "I think we have just about everything we need." He said.

 

Alex glanced over at him. "Okay, let's get over to the checkout and then let's get out of here." He hated wasting time stuck in a supermarket when he could be at home having fun with Fox and Walter, especially the fun that the three of them could have in bed. That's if Walter's reading group had finished for the day, he mentally added.

 

Pushing the shopping trolley, they headed towards the checkout when Alex spotted something.

 

"Hey, Fox, look at that."

 

Fox looked over to where Alex was pointing. There near the second to last aisle was a huge display of Tim Tams.

 

"Weren't they the biscuits that Walter bought when he had his Australian night?"

Alex asked.

 

"I think so." Fox replied. "My God." He exclaimed. "Look at all the different varieties." He sounded almost stunned.

 

They both approached the display, staring up at the rows of chocolate biscuits. Neither of them had any idea that there were so many different types.

 

"Look, they have mocha, and dark chocolate and white. Ohhh double choc." Alex was almost drooling now.

 

"Chewy caramel." Fox said as he reached over to pick up a packet. He turned it over in his hands almost reverently. Ever since Walter had bought these biscuits home, both Alex and Fox had developed quite a craving for them. Walter had joked that the company that made them must had added a secret ingredient that made them so addictive.

 

"Can we get some please Fox." Alex begged. "Come on, Walter probably won't be home til late, we can snack out in front of the TV, Walter will never know."

 

Fox had to admit, it was tempting. Seeing the slow grin spread across his lover's face, Alex knew that he had won.

 

Both he and Fox filled the trolley with different packets of Tim Tams, making sure they got every different kind. They were both going to be in Tim Tam heaven tonight.

 

**********

"Oohhhh, I don't feel so good." Alex moaned as he clutched at his stomach. He and Fox were both sprawled on the couch, surrounded by a scattering of biscuit crumbs and empty Tim Tam packets.

 

"I think we overdosed on chocolate." Fox groaned in agreement. "Oh my stomach feels terrible."

 

"Urg, what are we going to do?" Alex asked miserably. He tried to lift himself up off the couch, but grimacing at the pain in his stomach, he fell back again.

 

"I dunno, but I think I need my stomach pumped." Fox replied. Suddenly he let out a loud belch, then he moaned again.

 

"I think that last packet of double choc Tim Tams was a mistake." Alex gasped out. "A big mistake."

 

Before Fox could agree, the front door opened and Walter stepped into the living room. He stopped dead in his tracks, staring at the wreckage of what had once been his living room.

 

"What the hell...?" Carefully stepping over the empty packets and pieces of chocolate covered biscuits, he walked over to where his two young lovers were sprawled.

 

Both of them were smeared with chocolate and both of them looked up at him with identical expressions of misery and distress.

 

"What happened in here?" Walter asked, looking about the room incredulously. "I leave you both alone for one evening and I come back to...to this?"

 

"Oh Walter, we ate too much." Fox whimpered, still holding his stomach with both hands.

 

"Yeah Walter, we're sick. Really sick." Alex chimed in.

 

"Oh for the love of...okay, come on, let's get you both upstairs." With that, Walter bent down and helped them both off the couch.

 

Once he had Fox and Alex settled upstairs in bed with a hot water bottle pressed to the aching bellies, he came back down into the living room to clean up the mess that they had left.

 

Picking up the empty packets, Walter shook his head completely baffled. What ever possessed Fox and Alex to eat each and every packet of biscuits like this. Didn't they realize that they would end up with king-sized belly aches?

 

Finally he set the room to rights, then headed back upstairs to where his two young lovers were lying in bed.

 

"Feeling any better guys?" Walter asked as he entered the bedroom. Both Fox and Alex looked up at him miserably. They both shook their heads.

 

Walter sighed. "Do either of you want to tell me what happened tonight?" He asked.

 

He folded his arms over his broad chest waiting while Fox and Alex exchanged nervous glances.

 

"Well, um, it was like this." Alex began hesitantly. Slowly he described buying the packets of Tim Tams at the store, then he and Fox spending the evening pigging out on them.

 

"We didn't mean to we just got carried away." Alex piped up. "You're not angry with us, are you?"

 

Walter glared at them both for a moment, but seeing how really unhappy his two young lovers were, he relented, his expression softening.

 

"No, I'm not angry, but you have to understand that what you did was pretty dumb, wasn't it."

 

Both Fox and Alex blushed, looking thoroughly ashamed of themselves. "Sorry Walter." They both mumbled contritely.

 

"Okay then." Walter conceded. "No more Tim Tam orgies, got it?"

 

Both Fox and Alex nodded their heads vigorously, this had miraculously cured them of their Tim Tam craving.

 

Satisfied, Walter undressed and climbed into bed snuggling down with his sweet, if sick young men.

 

*********

 

"Feeling better?" Walter asked innocently as Fox and Alex wandered into the sunny kitchen.

 

"Yes thanks." Fox replied. Alex nodded. "I think the hot water bottle helped." He added.

 

"That's great." Walter replied cheerfully. "Now sit down, breakfast is nearly ready."

 

"What are we having?" Alex asked as both he and Fox seated themselves at the table.

 

"A surprise." Walter replied. He set two plates down in front of them both.

 

Fox and Alex stared down at the concoction that sat facing them. "Walter what the hell is this?" Alex asked horrified.

 

"Oh another Australian dish I learned about. It's called Bubble and Squeak and it's a mixture of every leftover I had in the fridge. I thought you might like it. Oh and there's Vegemite toast to go with it." Walter explained as he beamed at both Alex and Fox, quite pleased with himself.

 

Swallowing hard, Fox and Alex picked up their forks, Fox prodding dubiously at the brownish looking mess sitting on his plate.

 

Carefully Alex took a bite, then he smiled. "Hey, this isn't too bad. Try it Fox."

 

"You're right Alex." Fox replied. Soon they both cleared their plates but to Walter's amusement, neither of them touched the Vegemite toast.

 

"Oh well." He said as he carried the now empty plates over to the dishwasher, maybe he could substitute it for Marmite instead.

 

THE END?


End file.
